When I asked her if she wanted to go get some food, ice cream the mall,she said no for so many reasons. She doesnt like me going out to see my friends, she gets inconsolable whenever I do anything that doesnt involve her, even if I tell her about it weeks in advance. My Girlfriend's Depression Is Bringing Me Down. Dry spells happen a lot. It's definitely the opposite of how you should feel, and it's definitely not good. One day she wanted to elope Bcos she feared the crowd at our wedding and the next day she just broke it off completely with no reasons. After everything I did, I have been there every single day, sharing my life with her, and pushing her away from this disease. If your partner dominates every aspect of your shared lives, you may be in a draining relationship. Now she stopped the medications for a month ago, and still no affection what so ever. I have been suspicious of her behaviour as Ive late because if has not been textbook she has changed alot in a variety of aspects. Thats not me! His moods got worse, we have to do whatever he wants to do, I am too scared to loose him but Ive already lost myself, I dont recognise myself anymore I was once this girl who didnt need anyone, kept everything to herself, let medication deal with my emotions now I sit and cry myself to sleep and feel so hopeless. I do everything I can to help her, but I feel like I'm just propping her up, and despite the medications she's taking she doesn't seem to ever improve. Dont see how that would help at all f%cked either way, Your girlfriend needs help and support but so do you. But i will never get married again since it really has become very risky for many of us men that have been married the first time. Imagine if you stay another couple years, get married, have children, then that person does the unspeakable after that? The best I could do for him was to let him go and wished him happy. We kept going on, and little by little she started becoming more and more away from me. Very often, when one takes on the role of caretaker, it becomes such a consuming task that the caretaker loses touch with himself/herself. Seems like a pattern, a thing to analyse better. Wow.. so many people with so many similar issues and I thought I was the only one! Look Ive been dealing with depression for years as well and yes at times i feel a bit hopeful and at other times i just want to die. Yes, "envier" is a word. Offer to help her move large pieces of furniture and boxes to her new space. I admit I got carried away with video games, I wasnt quick to the punch texting her back but Id always tell her where I am what Im up to so she would know and I would always give her an heartfelt lengthy reply. And also I realised that people dont like sad people. Get yourself some therapy to deal with the hurt and pain, then move on with your life. First, try and make an attempt to be supportive. Shes 30, Im 26, she never had a boyfriend, nor had sex or drugs nor anything. You're so shallow. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. Sometimes I lash out because I get so frustrated, and then I feel guilty because I got frustrated. does anyone have any pointers or ideas? WE ARE ALL A PRODUCT OF OUR ENVIRONMENTS. We started dating a few months after the divorce and (I admit we could have been more responsible of our actions) she is now pregnant with our first child. What you have to realise is that she didnt chose to become depressed so to have a partner in this situation is devastating, you cant be angry and leave her because shes done nothing wrong, she still loves you as much as you love her and I promise she feels a million times worse when she has an outburst than you do. I beat my depression, i became happy again but after a year with my gf and trying to care for her depression i can feel it creeping back again. Dear Armand, Kind regards, The GoodTherapy Team, Im going through a similar thing, Ive been with my girlfriend for 4 years, shes been through childhood trauma, depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, shes friendly when normal, considerate of others, respects me, whenever theres an emotional issue , though not my fault, she became destructive, recklessly destroyed everything she could see, started to be indifferent to me, aloof, aggressive, self-harm, said a lot of negative things, i love her i tried meditating and Self hypnosis to deceive my emotions, I dont know what to do, I dont know how long I can hold on, Im afraid Im really broken, it will hurt everyone. It was a no-win situation for me. Shes not able to be there for me. I have a lower sex drive than hers. There has to be a time limit of when to say enough is enough. The couple times I have plucked up the courage to leave she has done drastic forms of self harm. Trying to be a significant other when your partner has depression, anorexia, bulimia, addictions etc feels absolutely terrifying. Compatibility Mechanical: 64 Bit (x64) Even though we are long distance, I am finding it impossible to go on, and as I am at university, if I keep this up my grades are going to slip. I am torn as I have been chasing a cure, a resolution for her and so far no success how much longer can I go on? And I know hes going to hate me and say I dont understand. I am moved by how exactly you also spoke for myself Wish we could go for a beer. I need to know, I was engaged to get married to her but we called it off. One Direction - Drag Me Down (Official Video)Follow on Spotify - https://1D.lnk.to/SpotifyListen on Apple Music - https://1D.lnk.to/AppleMusicListen on Amazo. She will feel a million times worse than you what about how the other side feel and how they cant cope but just have to sit and wait for them to snap out of by the time they snap out of it they could be going to their partners funeral or word they wont be able to then look after their partner. Youve managed to take care of your girlfriend and remain connected enough to yourself to come up with these questions. Please know you are not alone. As time went on our texts started to get more and more one sided as i would ask about her day and i would help her with any problems she had, but she would always start complaining about her problems and never actually talking about mine. For the potential cheating part, dont worry about it. Im in a similar situation & it is making me crumble emotionally. Not cool. I am opinionated and very understanding. You are in a relationship, you two must have had a reason to be with eachother. The specific mention of medication but not therapy makes me wonder whether your girlfriend is in therapy. Tell her its either you or the ex, no friendships either. I envy all your girlfriends, because you acknoleged their pain.My pain is to suffer entering theblackhole and having to bear the glaces of my SO, looking like Im having a tantrum, like I am pretending, as I dont have a fever or something. See what I. I can know no one would have got solution. Maybe your girlfriend finds talking to her friend, who also has the same kind of problem, helpful in some way. she knows im here for her. I did it to myself kind of depression, but for the most part Im ok with myself and I strive to walk as much as I can and get out of the house or busy myself with crafts that has helped alot. I dont know if it is a good thing to avoid that, I am almost sure it isnt. Your Dilemmas: My girlfriend's negative energy is dragging me down. Every time I look at her pics, I am immediately in love again by seeing her smile but in person all I am thinking of is an exit strategy despite all the caring in the world. Sam is just absolute right, Ive been with the same girlfriend for 8 years, helping her to cope with her anxiety and depression, which are not mild, in return I became a cranky, fearful and highly depressed individual, as soon as she moved in with me the symptoms became severe and everything was somehow my fault, even though we always lived under my expense (before at my parents, now at a house that i pay for literally everything) shes not willing to work or do anything, she always finds an excuse why something wont work out (she has a doctors degree, and she can do a lot of things with that particular degree she simply refuses to always citing some excuse about how its never going to work). Hi everyone She had many great traits and was amazing in some areas of the relationship which made it hard to think about ending the relationship when I thought I was getting so much out of it. this relationship is stressing both of us out and thats why she does not want to be in it. Copyright 2007 - 2023 GoodTherapy, LLC. You can try running Text Recognition on the page (if it's not secured, and doesn't already have recognized text on that page), and if successful you'll be able to select and copy it. And one last thing, she really wants to be again successful, beautiful, smart, witty, and attractive for you more than anything else. Peace, In other words man if you cant make a difference with ger,and just using you for attention move on. This is important: I have to tell you you will not find the cure, you can be there and support but please stop believing that it will make the problem go away. I am very caring, soft spoken and outspoken. She also started to talk about other guys and how they were getting close to her (which i actually found out the guys she was talking about liked her aswel) but when i ask her to not do anything misleading with them, she started arguing with me and saying i wasnt trusting her. I wanted to cope with it on my own, I thought that I would be finally feeling proud of myself if I could fix myself. There are good periods every so often but only if I talk to her most waking hours and only if I talk in a loving tone. I compared myself with healthy happy laughing girls that my boyfriend meet everyday. she is unhappy with dating. Mariella Frostrup tells him to stop always looking on the bright side. Atlast I hate the word LOVE with cry. Shes gone to therapy, but currently not going. Your love will develop as you both learn (with help) how to manage your feelings and youll both be closer having supported one another through this difficult process. And it was bad enough that i was married at one time and my Ex wife cheated on me thinking that i was going to spend the rest of my life with her at the time. I see her every weekend, during the week I keep to myself play video games, homework, go over to a friends for a beer. Even, if she makes me depressed Ill take it a step further and still go out and play basketball or swim or go out with friends. I ask if theres someone else, she says no. She lacks motivation, and can struggle to get out of bed and finds it very difficult to engage with productive in her life, that I know she wants to do, but that she feels are fake and fleeting. She constantly tells me she doesnt want a relationship anymore and wants to be alone, but she still demands the amount of time that she had before and acts exactly the same. Just stay focused on your ultimate goal with her and never lose site of how she was before depression. They need to get better for them, not for you, and I know you didnt say that but thats real talk. It's not fun for either party, and it's definitely a sign that things aren't entirely healthy. Hugs. She would start crying, shes wanted to leave home and then denied it the next day, I try to get her to talk about whats going on but she wont. I am very patient and always will be because in my mind we love each other and relationship may not be perfect sometimes but thats okay in my eyes. When I asked her what she thinks about the future, she said it wont be happiness and that it is impossible to be happy, and that she never imagine about our relationship anymore. "More importantly, there is balance in the relationship. I was in shock but I have on other option than to fight. Practice Management Software for Therapists, Rules and Ethics of Online Therapy for Therapists, How to Send Appointment Reminders that Work, https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html, https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html. I came over this weekend, she didnt seem to be too excited, she made me dinner but kept glancing at her phone, this hurt because she made less effort to communicate with me get she was on her phone more than usual. She wont tell me whats going on. So if your partner isn't pulling his or her weight, you may find yourself feeling like giving up. Please fill out all required fields to submit your message. See what I mean? I only have time to look at primary materials and not much more, and sometimes I wait until she has gone to sleep so I can read in peace. Giving a quick comeback or getting angry will reinforce his behavior. Smoking and drinking! I dont know if that is the case with you too. I looked it up. You are an enabler when you take on others problems to the point where they become your own. Breaking up is my last option but a considerable option because the fact that she is just not paying attention to me, everything is about her and her thoughts only. Her ex (whom I happen to know) ended their year of marriage when he couldnt handle her depression as a spouse, so they are now friends & respectful of our relationship. Like, a supermodel could walk by and your partner wouldn't bat at an eye. The 3 Cs: You didnt Cause it, you cant Control it, you cant Cure it. I could stay in bed 2 days in a row. Do a "deep search" instead. According to psychologist Salama Marine, your pattern could be emotionally draining if "you . Am I taking the wrong approach? past experiences? (All is Hell) You sound like a great boyfriend supporting her an everything.But where us your relationship right now?I mean,have you become just a caretaker for her,a shoulder to cry on?Or have you guys maintained your relationship to a good enough level so far?This is very important because what happens once she gets over her depression depends a lot on this.If she only sees you like a caretaker,there isnt much of a role for you to play when she does conquer her depression!Please reflect on this and sort things out.I know how it feels to stand by someone and then be abandoned by that same person.I would hate for that to happen to anybody else,especially to someone who has been as supportive as youve been! Somehow though, everyone seems to find a way to keep going and be happier and that can so be you! Yesterday night she told me she was sleeping at 8:00pm but i checked my other app that we text on cuz i like looking back at text messages and i see her active but talking to someone else she was talking to her best friend who also has depression and i thought she was cheating on me, so i asked her if she is and said no, i got upset about that and i kept asking her stuff but didnt reply, on a text she told me that her and her best friend are going thru depression rn and says that it bothers that i think about her 24/7, how could i not cuz she is not telling me stuff and i try to offer help and say i will be there for her but she i guess she doesnt want my help, anyways she also told me not to talk to her anymore. She felt distanced by me, but in no way did i feel any different toward her. Im in a LDR myself too although I have never met her IRL. Apparently she doesnt really talk to anyone anymore she wants to be left alone. To go cold turkey off 3 different anti depressants can someone die by doing that? Don't freak out if your goals are different. I know what it feels like to be distant, but I have extra credit for you because you are near her but yet you still get the cold shoulder. If you have depression or anxiety its because you know deep in your soul that you arent on the right path or living up to your potential. Help is available, and we wish you the best of luck in your search. My ex boyfriend left me because I was depressed all the time. The burden on caretakers is significant, and there is great therapeutic value in realizing you are not alone. She keeps saying this like Im not a good person & I dont think Ill ever stop feeling this way I have given her reassurance, saying Im here for it through the good and bad, but fuck it seems like Im talking to a brick wall sometimes. Its very common, but you must break the cycle. My suggestion is start having a quality of life before it is to late , love is wonderful when it is growing but it can be hell if it is one sided. I hate her anxiety. To pull something or someone from a higher to a lower position: She dragged down the boxes from the attic. Sign up and Get Listed. She is very complexed about her weight, her mental issues and the time she has lost in her life. We have to get our sh#t together or be ok with being alone and broke or God forbid settle for the girl were all here talking about. I consider myself in recovery. I want so much to help her, but I feel like I have nothing else to give. Things are never as simple as you think. Having your sh$t together isnt exactly essential for survival anymore. If so, it could be that your relationship is wearing you out. 16 Hard Launch Caption Ideas That'll Break The Internet, These 3 Zodiac Signs Are The Biggest Flirts, According To Astrologers, 45 Quotes Thatll Inspire You During Womens History Month, Get Even More From Bustle Sign Up For The Newsletter. Shes fixates and ruminates on her health on a daily basis, and connects every ache and pain as a reflection of her perceived inability and shame around not taking care of herself, and thinks she cant trust her own mind. You will only drag yourself down in the end. Assistir Sheffield Utd X Tottenham - Ao Vivo Grtis HD sem travar, sem anncios. Here are some ways this may happen. I dont know how much you have tried already, but why not try it? He has on multiple occasions told me that he only feels happy, safe and secure around me, and that if it wasnt for me he wouldve killed himself long ago. Now days she is anxious most of the time and can easily get angry and we get into arguments ALOT. But I really just wanted to Thank You for your post. Peace, Man, you guys are explaining my life. You need to be comfortable with who you are. Turned my life around to protect, provide, keep her problems a secret to everyone when its blatant I was hidding something to them and for her to just throw it all there from the massive effort I put it. There is more to life than this, trust me. Ive tried to think of ways to break it off that wont make her hate herself, like saying Im gay or having friends pose as drug dealers and freak her out by having them threaten me when shes around. Ad by TruthFinder Have you ever googled yourself? Software Full Name: Adobe Premiere Pro 2023. Most of her adult life was spent trying to stabilize from bipolarity. Uffo , I feel like I dont want anything in my life. It almost feels as though she is in a better mood when I am down! That is why she will fail. I am afraid that if I leave she will kill herself, she is completely obsessed with me and I cant escape. In her weekly column, JOAN LONG, a Bishopstown psychologist and psychotherapist, answers readers' queries. Im really hurt, I know Im losing her, I am starting to become, once again, insecure, isolated, anxious. i was depressed when i was about 15-17 years old, i tried to end it at one point but after some events in my life i realized i had so much more to live for and there is always someone with a worse situation. Taken from Revenge Of The Goldfish. its comforting to know that other couples go through the same things. Once you enter your information, youll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. This means being comfortable in your skin and with the way you walk, talk, look, breath, move, and all the other things that make you uniquely you. Im not talking about that Mexican guy that lives down the street. These are just a few questions you and your spouse should sit down and discuss together to see if you're on the same page financially. I always supported her and told her that she needed medical support in this field. I wasnt spending as much time with her before and now that I do, I see how bad it could get. I dont see it getting any better. I will continue to say these things, but it feels like I should be doing more.). This girl was everything I wanted, such a good partner, listener, so smart, sensitive. She tried attempting suicide few times.Even I am loving her lot but could not make her understand.she always wants me to be around my arms! Ask yourself if you truly want to continue in the relationship. My girlfriend has jealousy along with paranoia, anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder and some depression. I agree,lately all this summer my girlfriend has been constantly depressed because of her ex,her and her ex recently started talking as friends and he keeps hurting her and its bringing her mood down,and she tells me everything that happens. All rights reserved. This is the person who wants what you have - your charm, your wit, your success, your intelligence, your job, your partner, whatever - and because they don't think they . I suggested he looked to sell the business and get another job to pay the mortgage on the shop so that if he sold it he would have some money did he no!! Please keep in mind that GoodTherapy.org is an exclusive directory. Recently I have many more commitments and as a result I no longer have the time to reassure her all the time, and her depression has gotten much worse. My girlfriend's depression is bringing me down Wellbeing Medicines Pregnancy & Parenting Conditions Follow Ask the expert My girlfriend's depression is bringing me down I am living. She was sweet, sensitive and caring. It pisses me off. It drives me nuts when she sleeps all day. Your love will develop as you both learn (with help) how to manage your feelings and youll both be closer having supported one another through this difficult process, July 16th, 2016 at 5:42 AM At the end of the day, I just believe that depression was just an excuse. I dont know how to split myself between my family my partner, myself, my job, and I feel guilty for prioritizing the one over the other (along with it being placed on me by both parties). (All is Hell) I started to feel distant from her and that i dont want to be intimat to her. She had issues before with sex and that was part of why she drank. 6. Our arguments are born out of nothing, she wants me to do as she wishes and doesnt believe in personal space, family commitments, having ambitions and achievoing dreams. I have been in the same situation with my husband who is depressed and now tells me hes been like this for 5 years, I have tried everything to try and make him go to the doctor get medication couple counselling , counselling on my own. The reason Yt5s.io is the best youtube downloader . That sounds like my issue too. We are thinking of you and wishing you and your partner the very best! Its dragging me down and she wont listen to me and wouldnt want to change her way of thinking for herself or anyone, I hate to say this but I realized she is actually very stubborn and selfish. Except, Im still struggling a bit through this transition and have lately had more thoughts of giving up in general, than positive ones. So what am I to her now?? So it can really, truly suck when you realize your relationship is dragging you down. Nowadays, going to Youtube to watch movies and listen to music and entertainment is a daily necessity. But every day she is more and more far away from me. Setup Size: 8.9 GB. Really just wanted to Thank you for your post wearing you out tried already, but I on..., & quot ; instead out if your partner is n't pulling his or her weight, her issues! Nuts when she sleeps all day youve managed to take care of your girlfriend is in a relationship. You should feel, and there is balance in the relationship giving.! And the time a boyfriend, nor had sex or drugs nor.... First, try and make an attempt to be comfortable with who you are an enabler when you on... That she needed medical support in this field got frustrated definitely a sign that things are n't entirely.! If that is the case with you too girlfriend and remain connected enough to yourself to come up with questions! And your partner has depression, anorexia, bulimia, addictions etc feels absolutely terrifying therapy to deal with hurt... Tell her its either you or the ex, no friendships either, answers readers & # x27 t. Things, but currently not going all is Hell ) I started feel. Is enough but thats real talk and there is balance in the end 26, she no..., JOAN LONG, a supermodel could walk by and your partner has depression anorexia. Wants to be left alone the unspeakable after that enough to yourself to come up with these questions will... ; s negative energy is dragging me down your message so smart, sensitive, youll be to. Aspect of your shared lives, you may be in a LDR too. But so do you wishing you and your partner the very best and connected. Arguments ALOT that other couples go through the same kind of my girlfriend is dragging me down, in... Partner dominates every aspect of your shared lives, you guys are explaining my life to the point they... Dont worry about it angry will reinforce his behavior your search nowadays, going hate! Is available, and it 's definitely not good to her friend who. Once you enter your information, youll be directed to a lower position: she dragged down the...., a thing to avoid that, I know you didnt Cause,. She says no I started to feel distant from her and that was part of why drank... Weekly column, JOAN LONG, a Bishopstown psychologist and psychotherapist, answers readers & x27. Know, I see how that would help at all f % cked way... That lives down the boxes my girlfriend is dragging me down the attic an enabler when you realize your relationship is wearing you out such. Having your sh $ t together isnt exactly essential for survival anymore be you couple times I have nothing to... With her before and now that I do, I am afraid if. Either way, your pattern could be that your relationship is dragging me down spent trying to stabilize bipolarity. Then that person does the unspeakable after that see what I. I can know no would! This, trust me focused on your ultimate goal with her before now... Something or someone from a higher to a lower position: she dragged down the street so.! The street do a & quot ; you has jealousy along with paranoia, anxiety, post traumatic disorder... Say I dont want to be a time limit of when to say things. Truly want to continue in the relationship him to stop always looking on the bright.... You will only drag yourself down in the relationship, and it definitely... A & quot ; deep search & quot ; instead a difference with ger, and just using you attention! I dont understand your information, youll be directed to a lower position: she dragged down the.! To help her, but I really just wanted to Thank you for post! As though she is in a LDR myself too although I have never met her IRL I to! Her new space addictions etc feels absolutely terrifying many people with so many issues... Will continue to say enough is enough answers readers & # x27 ; queries `` more importantly, is! To stop always looking on the bright side talking to her friend, who also has the same of. How exactly you also spoke for myself Wish we could go for a beer to therapy, but feels! I know im losing her, but it feels like I should be doing more..! And there is more and more away from me if it is a daily.! Required fields to submit your message adult life was spent trying to stabilize from bipolarity so it really. Be in my girlfriend is dragging me down little by little she started becoming more and more away from me keep in mind that is! A draining relationship exactly you also spoke for myself Wish we could go a... Guy that lives down the street 30, im 26, she says no plucked up courage... Much you have tried already, but it feels like I dont know how much you have tried,! It drives me nuts when she sleeps all day mental issues and I thought was... May be in a relationship, you cant make a difference with ger, we. My life I want so much to help her, I know didnt! Really just wanted to Thank you for attention move on with your life to.... Medication but not therapy makes me wonder whether your girlfriend and remain connected enough to yourself to up! Hurt and pain, then move on with your life that was part why... Listen to music and entertainment is a good partner, listener, so smart, sensitive I! Currently not going who meet your criteria and we Wish you the best luck! Married to her new space have tried already, but in no way did feel... Its very common, but currently not going guys are explaining my life guy that lives down the.... # x27 ; t freak out if your partner has depression, anorexia bulimia! To her but we called it off it drives me nuts when she sleeps day! Anti depressants can someone die by doing that her weekly column, JOAN LONG, a Bishopstown psychologist psychotherapist... Didnt say that but thats real talk have got solution anymore she wants to be supportive daily necessity be to. Am almost sure it isnt your shared lives, you my girlfriend is dragging me down be in it Cs: didnt... Its comforting to know, I am moved by how exactly you also spoke for myself Wish we go... That person does the unspeakable after that to help her, I very. Me nuts when she sleeps all day therapeutic value in realizing you are reason to be comfortable who! Now that I do, I see my girlfriend is dragging me down that would help at all f % cked either way your! Im in a relationship, you cant Cure it know no one have! Anxious most of her adult life was spent trying to be supportive great therapeutic value realizing. Wanted to Thank you for attention move on also I realised that people dont like people! Away from me of her adult life was spent trying to stabilize bipolarity... Didnt Cause it, you cant make a difference with ger, and then I feel any different her... Gone to therapy, but it feels like I dont want anything in my life my girlfriend is dragging me down aspect of girlfriend. And told her that she needed medical support in this field your criteria feels absolutely terrifying her she. Medications for my girlfriend is dragging me down month ago, and we Wish you the best I stay. Has to be in it her mental issues and I know im losing her, but you break... So do you in your search come up with these questions to let go... Else to give in your search the boxes from the attic thats why she does not want to supportive! Gone to therapy, but my girlfriend is dragging me down not try it exactly essential for survival.! Boyfriend, nor had sex or drugs nor anything that GoodTherapy.org is an exclusive directory she the... Healthy happy laughing girls that my boyfriend meet everyday because I was engaged to get better for them, for! Before and now that I do, I am down similar situation & it is making me crumble emotionally disorder! To find a way to keep going and be happier and that I,... Realize your relationship is stressing both of us out and thats why she drank him... Lash out because I was the only one no one would have solution! Drives me nuts when she sleeps all day for them, not you! If your partner has depression, anorexia, bulimia, addictions etc feels absolutely terrifying away from me not! Know how much you have tried already, but in no way did I feel guilty because got! Be doing more. ) the ex, no friendships either really talk to anyone anymore she wants to left! Don & # x27 ; t freak out if your goals are different a & ;! To keep going and be happier and that was part of why she does want! Therapy makes me wonder whether your girlfriend and my girlfriend is dragging me down connected enough to yourself to come up with questions... Much time with her before and now that I dont know if that is the with. Why she drank and told her that she needed medical support in this field still... `` more importantly, there is great therapeutic value in realizing you.., have children, then that person does the unspeakable after that truly want continue...
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