i can 't handle my autistic child anymore

Even people who are just looking for a sentimental video, but dont have one autistic in their lives themselves. Never being able to figure out exactly what your child needs, or wants, because they cant tell you and you cant read their mind. Can you imagine reading this out loud to your child? I cant drive with him because he kicks me in the back of the head and pulls my hair. They are shunned by society right along with Autistic people. I can think of nothing more painful than a mother of a child with autism hating on/lecturing and judging another mother of a child with autism because SHE has a different ways of coping with lifes challenges. Some days better than others. I have neurological conditions myself and have even had several brain surgeries. When deseperate and frustrated we need to vent but theres no point posting online. Point istry to take it one day at a time. Don't punish/criticize the child or push them to do something if they aren't comfortable, because they'll associate social interactions with negative feelings. The most important aspect of this technique is consistency. For others, the answer is a simple but disheartening "no.". Its hard sometimes but there are also sweet otherworldly moments too both my sons have taught me more than a lifetime of experiences before them ever could. If you want to see the other side of this, I welcome you to live a day in our lives. Id go on some more but My son decided to smear his poop all over the bathroom wall and floor, so I gotta go clean that up. You have NO clue. What that mom posted about her kid was abusive. I dont know what you have to go through day to day but I can sympathize with anyone that has to face these hardships and loses their shit, all of us that are affected by autism live in a waking nightmare. Posting online this kind of video seems like a call of attention and sympathy to her. With the current situation going to the hospital for any other reason is not the best option. My toddler doesnt eat on his own, he can not speak, he is violent, he screams as a form of communication, he likes to eat his poop, he bites and pinches and everything sets off a melt down. I want my children to have as easy ride as possible through life but, when you find out that your precious child is going to have to overcome obstacles, its hard to come to terms with. It would be the shock of your lifetime, believe me. If they like stimming, try stimming with them you might see what they get out of it or work out youre just wired differently :p. Then dont be a part of those FB parents groups. But it is wrong to disparage those of us who are not so fortunate, we have very real concerns about the growing epidemic of autismYES it is an epidemic even the CDC admits it is NOT just better diagnosis. If you have something to say to Kate, say it to her instead of bashing her. This may occur in children with autism along with many other symptoms that point to autism . I see both sides of this. I am an autistic adult (of the drive a car, have a job ilk ;). He still loves Elmo. As an autistic adult I totally agree with some of the things youre saying. I dont get all you parents who wish your kids were different than how they are. The right thing to do in situations like this is to talk and gently correct. People may well read this and say your not like my child or Youre too high functioning (both of which are irrelevant, its a judgement based on typed words, they dont know me and even if those things were to be correct, they do not make my words or the other persons childs experience any less valid) but some parents need to think about what they say and put out there. Avoid organizations that aren't run by autistic people, or treat autism as an enemy to be eradicated, such as. My hobbies and interests are lost to me. , Writer has five kids, I see this supreme patronalizing attitude a lot among the Octomoms. You have no clue what it is too realize, and YES grieve, because your child will never have a comfortable existence, and may never even go to school much less graduate. Who in the world would want to have this struggle? Autism is suddenly a disqualifier to be a mommy blogger or vlogger? Try to incorporate small fish, meats, fish oil, and cod liver oil into your childs diet. Search the internet to see what substitutes autistic adults have found for their SIB. Your autism is NOTHING like my sons. Everyone has their right to privacy. I would not relive it for anything, but Im relieved to say that it has become easier since hes older. Take a seat. And well, an apple that falls far from the tree is quite a rare thing Poor children, and poor pets. Experts like Murray, Coury and the specialists at ATN, as well as parents of children who have autism, recommend parents tackle the following six most common challenging autism behaviors. Knowing your child will need 24/7 care the rest of their life, and knowing you will die first, and who then will love them as much and take as good of care as the deserve. Its very hard for people who have no issues. Too many people who lack the empathy, understanding and patience for what seems like even neurotypical kids, let alone autistic kids. Walk a mile in someones shoes before you start judging. Hang in there. Come over here so my son can smear his fecal matter in your face and then tell me again to not complain. If we wouldnt want our spouse talking about us in a certain way, we shouldnt talk about our child that way. And as an authistic, you breed to put more autism in this world? It is a full time job and what about her OWN career? I totally agree with this whole page a good ride up stop feeling sorry for yourself get tough Its called tough love buckle up get a life, unless you cant handle it then its okay to go get psychological help but why post it on Facebook because she wanted something free. NO it would NOT be. Its the same thing. I dont criticize that woman for trying to take her child to see something she thought he might like. I fully believe that is the biggest missing piece of autism awareness. See a friend for lunch, hire a disability-friendly sitter and dont burden your children with this. 3. Do you have any experience with severe autism? Well if you cant wipe your own ass, still pee the bed, cant feed yourself, scream and have a meltdown because someone talked, poop and pee in your bathwater, bang your head against the wall, run outside naked in the winter, wouldnt be able to take care of yourself in any capacity and would be content playing video games all day and wouldnt care if your caregiver dropped dead, then maybe you do need to be treated differently since you cant make it through life without someone dedicating their life to yours. Remember he cherry picked the severely autistic to go die at the gas chamber and keep the HF autistic alive for research? Frustration. Anyone who tries to say autism is anything other than a living hell is either lying to themselves or lying to everyone else to make Themselves or others feel better. You can afford therapy?! There are appropriate forums and the sobbing mom should have used one of them. At least everyone else here has direct experience with autism (they have a child with autism or are on the spectrum themselves). You are the problem They need help not shame. Eating enough food is more important than eating nutritious food. This is one point that I dont think many parents consider, but the fact is that the world is watching you. The hell you watch them go through because theyve been thrown into this world alone in their head, us unable to help. The second thing. The fact you are autistic muddies your POV. Im really shocked at these replies youve gotten. No matter what, our kids deserve dignity and respect, even in our worst moments. Facing my fear: to save my autistic son's future, I had to let him go Elayne Robertson Demby It's always hard for parents when their children leave home. Apologize to the child once they're calm, and try to do better in the future. And your children will, too, if you continue to publicly talk behind their backs and criticize them. Win win! Im so sick of parents complaining about the normal teenage antics of their kids. Which means telling one another our worries, asking for advice, or just being able to talk to someone else whose been where you are. This can help you learn more about their sensitivities. we all have to try to make our childrens lived less stressful. See if your child can handle eating gummy vitamins if their diet is very limited. Keep plenty of fidget toys around. It would have been a opinion and that is ok. You are saying that she shames her son, so what are you doing then? Explain the routine to your child, and use a picture schedule to help them predict events. While academically bright, no one could understand how someone could be so socially blind. I dont doubt your love for your son at all- Im sure you love him and would die defending him. Lets see how happy you remain when your kid kills your pets, destroys everything you love or hold dear, smears feces on everything in the home including your face, ruins all interaction around you with his tantrums and physically attacks you or anyone for no reason. Raising an autistic child is literally hell on earth, no two ways around it. Some autistic children benefit from special diets. And then I got it. Comer, J.R. Abnormal Psychology, seventh edition. There is nothimg wrong with that mom sharing her story. But to say to someone essentially, dont be overwhelmed OR make good choices when youre overwhelmed, makes little sense to me. Ive treated my oldest the same as my youngest and guess whather counselor said my daughter is learning empathy which is surprising to her. Adult Austistics are the greatest resource we have as parents. The fact that there are support groups to share experiences and vent is exactly what the author points out. And if you did, the whole world wouldnt feel sympathy, theyd tell you to stop being so mean and love your child for who they are. I was excluded for being different, rude annoying etc. You probably didnt even read the article. Just because she had a bad day (we all do), and decided to share her story, doesnt give you the right to bash her and make her out to be a bad person. Watching your child uncomfortable in their own skin. She does NOT speak for me. Would you publicly shame your child for not being who you thought theyd be? This was so clearly written by the parent of a high functioning autistic child. If youre complaining about your autistic children online for the world to see, thats the impression that those people have on autism and autistic people in general. I want to scream and cry, but these comments make it feel like I cant. Learn the difference. Most of the comments here mention things that arent even autism-related. They have no idea what struggles you are going through, or what sorrow you feel. The kind of mom who would make one of these namby-pamby videos and have the idiocy to post it has issues beyond her child with autism. Children with autism often need constant supervision to ensure they don't get hurt or run away. If youve never raised a severely autistic learning disabled child then you have no right to chastine parents who have. But nobody on here has any right to judge anyone about how they deal with autism. He doesnt need to see every word youve ever written to get the idea from someone whos read your work that theres a part of him you hate and want gone forever. Insurance companies and schools are repeat offenders, and they are tired! They might one day, no one knows your autistic childs future. There should be separate terms for such extreme ends of the spectrum. Your post is the most discriminatory and ableist thing Ive read in a while. Assume that your child is struggling, not intentionally misbehaving. My daughter has a fragile bone disorder and were desperate to keep him away from her so that he doesnt break her bones. Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 68,833 times. Many aggressive incidents happen when a child is overwhelmed and panicky, and cannot handle the stress they're under. Perhaps you only spend time in the autistic community but I see posts in my neighborhood mom groups every day with this stuff. He is my best teacher. A LACK of empathy. My parents are far from perfection, but if they made something like this to me I would publicly shame them back and/or kill myself. To call the disorder that has left our children with profound impairments in cognition, communication and behavior a "strange gift," as Silberman does, is truly mind-boggling. Intellectual disability and autism are intrinsically connected, both conditions come from the same pool of autistic genes only that HF autism have dormant intellectual disability genes while severe autism are active. This attitude can help you focus on helping, instead of punishing. Be careful about the organizations you support, and the messages they send about autism. Search #ActuallyAutistic hashtags and find Kristy forbes on Instagram and follow her! Shes an outstanding mother and is quite blunt about a side of autism not everyone knows. Luna Rose is an autistic community member who specializes in writing and autism. I dont complain on social media because Im off all social media. Ok. You obviously have free babysitters at your disposal who are trained in special needs care. One more severe than the other. What right do you have to tell another parent how they should feel about their autistic child? I wonder why is this so easy for other moms? Autism at the very least requires significantly more support than it currently receives. Sometimes youre struggling and you really just need to vent or youre going to explode. No one elses. As a Autistic person who was labeled high functioning with Aspergers and ADHD, you people truthfully dont know jack anything about functioning labels. She could have recorded the video and showed it to a close group of people who really and truly understand and are able to help. Ill ask that you kindly read this post about the harm in functioning labels. Some children may have low self esteem especially when the parents whom they trust in frustration write negative about their own children. At FIVE years old. Sensitive to the way her clothes felt from a very early age, potty trained before 2 because she didn't like diapers, couldn't wear socks, underwear, tags on clothes, or jeans due to the way they felt. I know what Ive talking about with the mortality rate. Hates her child? And I work with all ranges of autistic people. Could you massage them instead of hitting them?". Several parents messaged me and said they were glad to know others were struggling. AUTISTIC READERS: The comments section on this post has a lot of hate and ableism, and many comments that are hurtful and/or triggering. You should have SOME idea of what autism is and what its not, but it seems like youre making up your own symptoms because thats how YOUR child is. Autism is not the issue. This can be harmful to the child's self-esteem and may cause regression, aggression, and other problems. Ew, neurotypicals. Some of the best sources of vitamin B6 include sunflower seeds, pistachio nuts, fish, poultry, pork, beef, prunes, raisins, bananas, avocados, and spinach. Your kid is like, a kid and youre already grieving? Guide to Legal Information for Families Affected by Autism from Goodwin Procter LLP. I would suggest that the apparent lack of empathy is simply an autistic person being wired so differently they find it hard to relate to the needs and expectations of a Neurotypical person. That is your autism talking. Abusive?!? Autistic children need to know that self-harm is not appropriate or allowed, that you will always be there to help them handle it. Or the kid who makes gorgeous works of art. I have two autistic children. Im not a complaining mama, but your litmus test for what to share will stick with me long-term. I believe its my job to help them both achieve happiness, purpose and claim their place in this world! Serious sleep problems. No kidding. *This blog is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Thanks a lot for such useful. Forcing their disorders in the same category isnt helpful to anyone. If you divide my day each student would be entiled to 1.30 mins one on one time. No sleep for days because of severe ASD insomnia (the ASD individuals insomnia which causes family members and caregivers to also have to no sleep). I really needed to know that Im not the only parent who feels this way. How would you feel if a parent of a child with cerebral palsy went on the internet and unloaded all the ills their child was doing to them. I wouldnt care if my child decides to be a homeless on his own accord, but I would care if he has to live the rest of his life in a group home. Think about it If a couple went to a concert, and the wife got overwhelmed and overstimulated, and she had a panic attack, Then the husband posted a video on Facebook talking about how EMBARASSING his wife was and how hard it made his life, How no one would love her because shes different How frustrating it is that he had to give up on his wife and her future, Many would call him emotionally abusive, and rightfully so. Autistic children often like to touch and taste individual ingredients before deciding whether or not to eat them, and these dishes make it difficult for them to do so. or comfort someone in pain? Susan Goewey recently postedComedy = Tragedy + Time. I dont think theres a right or a wrong here. Some objective points, but the majority was a joke. I take offense to the complaining comment by author. Hey! Guess you dont have diapers you have to change on your own? Please apologize to this mama (and all the other ones out there) for telling her not to speak her voice. NT society blames the child for not keeping NT more often, and the parent suffers scorn for somehow ruining the chance their child could be normal.. They both have knocked down barriers that were set before them by well meaning people. If you are adult enough to write this opinionated, suppressed, article, then you can leverage and accept the condition and opinion of others. The first thing you need to do is accept that you are where you are and there is no blame, there is nothing you could of done differently because if you could have, you would have. What is even more upsetting than the article (not an article, but opinion piece) is that it has been shared 20K times it is great to support a person w/ autisms SELF-advocacy, but spreading hate and disinformation that ALL autism isnt a debilitating condition, is not a medical mystery to be solved ? wash the parts where your hands feel natural. WWJD? Youve never seen the severe side, and the helplessness and despair. Agreed. The severe learning disability is the issue. It clicked and everything has changed. Avoid pretending to understand, because your child can probably tell you're faking it. Do I love my kid? For example, if your wife likes spicy spaghetti and your daughter cries when given spice, place the spice shakers on the table instead of mixing spice into the sauce. My husband disappeared into his work, and I had another child who needed me as well. At the very least, it comes off bad on the parent. Thats how we treat him, thats how we talk about him, and thats how we expect the world to treat him as well. If something you do makes your child cry or beg you to stop, then stop. My son is 25 now and much more able to do for himself than even a few years ago, but I know that moment of not being able to stand another second of a meltdown from him. My son is severe ASD and I often need to talk or vent, and I absolutely detest autism, and the things autism does to my son and our family, but in no way does that mean I hate him. She should clarify that this does NOT apply to level 3 autism, the most severe, as the DSM does. They talk about how their disabled children are burdens on them and make their life so much harder. Good for you, you must be soooooo perfect! So what do you do if you cant go vent to the whole internet world? How they hope and pray for a cure? And thats what youve got to understand. Make a doctor appointment. Depending on your child's learning abilities, this may be a good idea. That is not whining that is a fact. Im heartbroken for the years unnecessary pain for all of us but we are so good now! We are allowed to feel what we feel and I for one am sick of the puppies and rainbows autism community judging me for venting when my child is having a seriously horrible day. Solving the medical problem may make the SIB disappear. AS someone whos autism was so hidden I wasnt even diagnosed until 31, I can tell you it wasnt easy for me or my parents. Off to start a new family? Your persistence will pay off once the routine feels natural and internalized, your child will feel better. Id have to be a bitch not to mourn a future at the mercy of strangers. On behalf of all the autism parents who could get through about two paragraphs of your article, STOP JUDGING. Look, having kids makes life harder as much as it makes life fulfilling. There are thousands like him, being diagnosed every day. High and low functioning? They may have never known any autistic people before knowing your child. Having to hold a child down to ever treat medical issues because they have no concept of why you need to do things (like clean wounds). Vrs women who lie and say its perfect never a bad never any anger or grife or fear. Keep in mind that even an extremely unresponsive child can probably still hear you; they just don't have a way to communicate yet. Provide the child with tools to self-soothe, such as sensory toys, calming books or videos, weighted blankets, a swing set, or even a pet. feeling angry, but not knowing why. I believe u may have missed the bottom part. Do not take this personally, but do stop insulting hard working parents. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/1\/1a\/Handle-an-Autistic-Child%27s-Behavior-Step-1.jpg\/v4-460px-Handle-an-Autistic-Child%27s-Behavior-Step-1.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/1\/1a\/Handle-an-Autistic-Child%27s-Behavior-Step-1.jpg\/aid4929972-v4-728px-Handle-an-Autistic-Child%27s-Behavior-Step-1.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"